Nermin ceri hedefleri ve amaçları

MY GOALS AND OBJECTIVES

The ultimate reason that I'm sharing my story on my web site is to become an example. I want my life to be an examplary one from which to draw lessons. For everything changes when one confronts this illness. I must admit that I was a bit surprised when I was diagnosed with cancer, because I had no history of cancer in my family, I have never smoked or used alcohol or other drugs. I think it was this life of mine full of stress and struggle that made me pay this price. However, I have become even more grateful to God after the diagnosis. First of all, I was diagnosed at a very early stage, thus I was given a second chance. What else could I ask from God? As I was about to enter the surgery room, I had only one prayer: "Dear God, when this is over I want to share my experiences with other people, I want to do something for other cancer patients. I want to leave the 21 years of stuggle in my career behind and start a new chapter in my life". I have now left all the sadness and stress behind. I have kept my promise.

Now all the celebrities I worked for are history, as well as all my disappointment. I will still be an old friend in which they could confide, but that's all. Let's stay friends if possible, but no more professional relationships. I don't have that kind of luxury, anyway. To persist would be taking a big risk and I cannot do this either to myself, to the people who love me or to God. I want to spend my life with the people I love in peace and quiet and I want to enjoy each and every second of my remaining years. I want to stay away from the indecency, ingratitude and hypocrisy of the celebrity world. In that world, I have seen that self-interest and flattery rule. However, I am an honest person, flattery does simply not exist in my blood. I am vulnerable to injustice, I cannot tkae something that does not belong to me, and I cannot threaten someone else's livelihood. Although these qualities eventually turned me into a misfit in that context, I cannot change and I am proud to be the way I am. So instead of adapting to that phony life I have decided to stay away from it. My health is my top priority now and I have to take good care of myself.

And I need to share what I have experienced throughout this illness with you people and guide you in some ways. I believe this is my mission now.

The 8th of February 2007 was the most difficult day of my life. I had to see my doctor because two of the fibro-cists that had been discovered seven years earlier had evolved in such a way as to raise suspicion. I first responded to this ill-famed illness as if it were justa flu. I was in an advantageous position in the fight against this ilness because I was diagnosed at a very early stage. I realized the importance of early diagnosis during the surgery and the chemotheraphy. In January 2007 during my monthly self examination I had noticed two of the cists had grown more massive. When I examined myself 5 days after my period they had gotten even bigger. I made an appoinment with Medica right away. For years my annual check ups have been made by Dr.Cihangir. I went to see him immediately. He told me that the cists had changed their shapes and I needed to get an MRI. I didn't think it was serious until he mentioned the word MRI. Dr.Cihangir Karaaslan told me that they were going to take the MRI after my physician Prof. Dr. Tarýk Akçalý read the reports of my ultrasound. I got an appointment from Prof. Akçalý the same day (as time was extremely important) and went to his office with my ultrasound results.There were two tumors on my right breast and there was also a submarine-like mass further down. Prof. Akçalý took some liquid from that mass and wanted an MRI the next day for the other two. The result of the MRI was not very promising, Prof. Akçalý told me that he had to take the masses out immediately. The liquid drawn from that submarine- like mass was clean, but they couldn't say the same thing for the others. From that moment on, I started saying all the prayers that I knew. I have always believed in God. However, at times like these one needs to be even closer to God. I had the surgery two days later. As I was entering the surgery room I was thinking that the masses were going to be removed, that everything was going to be OK. In my opinion, the most important things for winning the fight against this illness are early diagnosis and positive thinking. After a three-hour operation the masses were removed. As I was regaining conscioussness, Prof.Akçalý stood next to me. "Is it over?" I asked. He said: "Yes, Nermin,but unfortunately I have to remove your breast." The only thing I can remember about that moment are the tears. That was the last time I cried. My mother and my friends were in my hospital room to comfort me. Prof.Akçalý came to my room in the afternoon and we started talking about the results. The first operation was successful. Two of the masses were removed, but I had to have another surgery, a mastechtomy. When they opened up my breast they found out it was full of masses, but Prof. Akçalý did not want to remove my breast without consulting me first (in case I wanted to have a child). I was 43 years old and my health was more important for me than having children. I had been thinking for the last ten years that it wasn't a good idea to bring a child into this tough world anyway. Three days later, on the 12th of February 2007, I had my second surgery. My breast was removed and a silicon was implanted. So, I didn't have to worry about my appearance. I thanked God once more, because people who had the same surgery ten years earlier didn't have the chance of getting a silicon implant. Associate Professor Doctor Akýn succesfully implanted the silicon. After a three and a half-hour surgery Prof. Akçalý was happy. My breast was removed, the micro-metastasis in my arm pit was cleaned up. Later on, I felt much better with the support of the people I love, my friends and mom. I was surrounded with a circle of love. My next concern was the chemotheraphy. I had heard so many things about this illness before, but having a first hand experience was a completely different story. One month after my surgery I met onchologist Professor Doctor Fuat Demirelli and his assistant Dr Sevgi Ural, a person that I cherish. Professor Demirelli is a very nice person who imparts confidence and a positive energy to the patient. We prepared a schedule for the 4 chemo sessions. I realized once more how lucky I was. Had I not been diagnosed at an early stage, I would have had to receive at least 10 or 15 sesions of chemo as well as many radiotheraphy sessions. Because of the size of the mass I had, there was no need for radiotheraphy. There was one thing to be concerned about, I was going to lose my hair...We all like or dislike some aspects of our own apperance. I liked my breasts and I also liked my hair. And interestingly enough, I had to give them up both. However, I believe it was a divine test I had to go through. And now I have my curly grey hair back, even thicker then before. It was a very intriguing feeling. Some of my optimistic friends had told me that 4 chemo sessions would not do any harm to my hair, but I actually became a very attractive bald woman. I knew that one of the side effects of chemo was to vomit, but I was so determined not to vomit that I never did. This is what I mean by saying one has to have a positive attitude. I was strong and I believed in my strength. I was going to win this battle and I did win it. I was not going to give up. I had abused my body and so I had to deal with the consequences.

I realized my mistake even though a little late, but I started correcting my mistakes. The chemo sessions started and I was trying to adapt myself to this process. And my unfavorable premature birth put me in an advantageous position. After my birth in Germany, my family had returned to Turkey bringing tons of nutritious baby food because my doctor in Germany had advised them to do so. That extensive nutritious food turned me into a very healthy child. My mother believes it was that baby food I had been fed with that made my recovery an easy one.

Nothing seriously bothered me after the first session. I had a little nausea and felt a bit tired. As I was determined not to feel bad, I believed it was going to be a smooth process and smooth it was. My blond hair started falling off slowly at first. And one day I had no hair at all. After 43 years, for the first time in my life, I was looking at my bald head in the mirror. I was different. The only thing that bothered me was having to cover my head with a bandana every time I went out. I didn't want anyone to notice my illness...It's weird, especially during the chemo sessions although your face seems healthy, you still have the looks of a sick person, and you don't want to show it to people. Not only because you don't want them to see you sick, but also because you don't want them to feel bad.

I started sweating after the 3rd session. After the 4th I was in menopause already. I experienced hot flashes like other women. I started carrying a towel over my neck all the time. It was unmanageable, I was sweating all the time during the day, and because my bald head was freezing at nights, I had to wear something to keep me warm while I was going to bed. However, those caps were useless; because of their material, they caused more sweating.

Nermin Ceri

Cancer hat to make a presentation

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MY GOALS AND OBJECTIVES